Saturday, April 10, 2010

When a man loves a woman..

Here is an essay written by Jill Scott that kinda breaks my heart.

"My new friend is handsome, African-American, intelligent and seemingly wealthy. He is an athlete, loves his momma, and is happily married to a White woman. I admit when I saw his wedding ring, I privately hoped. But something in me just knew he didn't marry a sister. Although my guess hit the mark, when my friend told me his wife was indeed Caucasian, I felt my spirit...wince. I didn't immediately understand it. My face read happy for you. My body showed no reaction to my inner pinch, but the sting was there, quiet like a mosquito under a summer dress.

Was I jealous? Did the reality of his relationship somehow diminish his soul's credibility? The answer is not simple. One could easily dispel the wince as racist or separatist, but that's not how I was brought up. I was reared in a Jehovah's Witness household. I was taught that every man should be judged by his deeds and not his color, and I firmly stand where my grandmother left me. African people worldwide are known to be welcoming and open-minded. We share our culture sometimes to our own peril and most of us love the very notion of love. My position is that for women of color, this very common "wince" has solely to do with the African story in America.

When our people were enslaved, "Massa" placed his Caucasian woman on a pedestal. She was spoiled, revered and angelic, while the Black slave woman was overworked, beaten, raped and farmed out like cattle to be mated. She was nothing and neither was our Black man. As slavery died for the greater good of America, and the movement for equality sputtered to life, the White woman was on the cover of every American magazine. She was the dazzling jewel on every movie screen, the glory of every commercial and television show. She was unequivocally the standard of beauty for this country, firmly unattainable to anyone not of her race. We daughters of the dust were seen as ugly, nappy mammies, good for day work and unwanted children, while our men were thought to be thieving, sex-hungry animals with limited brain capacity.

We reflect on this awful past and recall that if a Black man even looked at a White woman, he would have been lynched, beaten, jailed or shot to death. In the midst of this, Black women and Black men struggled together, mourned together, starved together, braved the hoses and vicious police dogs and died untimely on southern back roads together. These harsh truths lead to what we really feel when we see a seemingly together brother with a Caucasian woman and their children. That feeling is betrayed. While we exert efforts to raise our sons and daughters to appreciate themselves and respect others, most of us end up doing this important work alone, with no fathers or like representatives, limited financial support (often court-enforced) and, on top of everything else, an empty bed. It's frustrating and it hurts!

Our minds do understand that people of all races find genuine love in many places. We dig that the world is full of amazing options. But underneath, there is a bite, no matter the ointment, that has yet to stop burning. Some may find these thoughts to be hurtful. That is not my intent. I'm just sayin'."
(Courtesy of
I happen to like dark skin men, its just like some people like tall man or skinny men. I never really had to put much thought into it, its just like that. I also happen to think interracial relationships are beautiful, to see a white man with a black women is so beautiful and vice versa. So when I hear someone speak of white women being with black men as something less than beautiful it makes me "wince", it hurts. We have finally gotten to a point in this world where races are able to mingle and love freely, free of judgement or goverment imposed restrictions (there are still some religous and mindset barriers however but the choice is still there). And thats just it, we are all human. We are not black or white or asian or african or caucasian, we are one people who live on the same earth, under the same sun with the same colour blood runnin through our veins. It is also incredibly beautiful to see a beautiful strong black man with a a beautiful strong black woman and their children, but to imply its the only kind of beauty would be deeply dismaying.  Also, I think mixed children, mixed with any races are so incredibly beautiful; each with a unique background and look, unique to each family. 

Its like prejudice in any situation, why are we in this day being punished for the actions of those in the past. I dont blame every black man for the pain and disgrace my sons father brought, marrying my ex-best friend and not takin care of his own. No, because I overstand that any person of any race or gender is capable of both good and bad. I realize that slavery was very real and I appreciate her whole perspective on the situation, but why am I as a white women getting looks, that I know stem from the same pool of feelings within black women. As if, I must be doin something sneaky and wrong to be gettin the attention of a handsome, beautiful, intelligent black man; when infact its black men who prey on white women (in some cases) for our innocence (or lack there of) and naivity.

If this had been written by anyone else, it wouldnt hurt as much but this is beautiful, strong, well-educated, amazingly talented women whom I have much resepct and admiration for.  I'm not tryin to sit here and disect her words or judge her, I simply wanted to share my thoughts on the subject as well. Onelove.

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