Tuesday, July 19, 2011

"I make being strong look easy, but it is not."

Sometimes I feel like an alien living amongst humans....or maybe I am the human and half of y'all are aliens. Sometimes I feel like I am speaking English to people and its like they are hearing Chinese..... like everything I say goes right over their head. Now the truth remains to be seen, I could be crazy or I could make so much sense, it evens make my own head spin sometimes.

I seem to always be in some kind of emotional pain yet I always appear happy to people (or so people say). I know everything in my life has happened for a specific reason or purpose, that I am exactly who I am meant to be.....and even further, I am EXCITED to see who I will grow into in the future. I have faith in the Universe. (Like some people have faith in God, its all the same to me. When I reference "the universe" or "energy," I am referring to the higher power. I believe God is energy, that lives within us and surrounds us.) And I also, have faith in myself, to make the right choices, to be strong enough to make those tough choices and follow through with them....and ultimately to trust my intuition and follow my heart.  Life is easier said then done but PLEASE BELIEVE I practice what I preach.... (Key word: Practice, not perform.)

Sometimes I wonder about the readers of this blog, something tells me its more haters than lovers. For the simple reason as it is the only form of viral communication expressed through me that is open to the public, so its not surprising that it could become an outlet of expression of what I want people to know about me, not necessarily the real me but the surface layer I want people to see. I do, however make an effort to keep it real. Haters, lovers, friends, family: youre are all welcome.

I lost a friend recently, well more like that friend finally showed me for the umpteenth time what our friendship really is.... nothing.  Whether thats due to me or her is irrelevant at this point.  All I know is that I have learned from the experience, finally: I cannot sacrafice my own sanity to help others survive their emotional rollercoasters................ Sounds simple right? Wrong.  As of today, my circle is getting alot smaller.  There are certain people, and I am sure everyone can relate, that just take up space in your life. Sometimes they add a laugh but mostly they just send hot air your way whenever they feel the need to.  Those people who vent to you their problems becuase your "such a good listener."  It occured to me, after I had a mini meltdown, that I may not have enough strength left to be there for my REAL friends when they need it if I am always helping everyone else.  Not only does that add stress to me but it also distracts me from dealing with my own issues.  In a nutshell, I cant do it anymore.  I owe it to those who do care about and love me to stay strong and be able to be there for them when they need it.  MLC, LMM, JDS ♥

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